G is for Green Thumb

brown thumb ivy

Victim – brown ivy

LOOK HOW I END UP WID A GREEN THUMB, DOH DOH!

I had just about come to terms with my “brown thumbedness” when a friend shared some pics of her gardening success in a WhatsApp group chat. And those images of healthy-looking heads of lettuce, among others, evoked a few feelings within me. I was initially impressed, then envious LOL, baffled as to why I just can’t get tings to grow well, and eventually inspired as she gave me some tips. Ok, ok…maybe envious before being impressed. 🙂

Being quite versed in growing up bacteria and other microbes using all kinds of growth media, I was flummoxed as to why I just can’t manage plants. Clearly I’m a microbiologist and not a biologist. Started from seeds…. reached germination and feeling hopeful (Yaay!) …seedlings start to grow… then Monkey, my cat, reasons that the seedling tray is its new playground and scratching post and digs up seedlings, or better yet decides to get in on the fertilizing action and pees on them. Done wid dem! Tried starting out with seedlings cuz that cuts out the period of waiting for seed dormancy to break….. got healthy parsley, basil and coriander seedlings …sturdy, green, well-established ones, not nuh scrawny tings…..within two days leaves dropping off and death ensues. Purchased several air-purifying plants….happy peace lilies (these survive but ain’t suh happy and that manifests as brown leaf tips and failure to flower), ivy (leaves drop off within days), spider plant (appeared to be doing so well, putting out new shoots and ting….then sudden so dat dedding too), snake plant (takes special skills to kill these …. skills that not even brown-thumb Suzanne possesses…these live).  Heck, I even managed to kill succulents. Aristaloe aristata met its maker within days. 

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Just so… de ting collapsed

By this time I was giving up and resigned to resorting to my Blueair air purifier and open windows for adequate air quality, and realized that I gine have to rely pon Boppa or Central Growers for my herbs. Enter Jaxx with pics of her produce…..enter inspiration and the thought that if a CFO dat is deal wid numbers cuh get plants to grow I who deal with small living tings musse cuh get bigger, green living things to grow. LOL Interestingly, what hadn’t dawned on me was that she was giving them all they needed to grow and I wasn’t. Plain and simple. I give the bacteria what they need and voilà, they grow. But this poppit wasn’t really doing the same for her plants. And before yuh tink I is a real idiot, yessss, I used to water them (apparently too much LOL) and I tossed some fertilizer (of some sort) at them … when I remembered (i.e. when they looked bad and I figured they needed a boost). But my biggest mistake was that I was trying to grow them inside and inside gets way too hot when I am out and the house is closed up. Now, I sure used to notice the heat when I came home. First order of business was to open up all windows and doors and air de place. Leaving on a fan while out only meant that I was met with warm but well-circulated air when I got home. So my poor planty wanties did getting a serious heat shock when I went out. Would look wilty wilty and little swibbly when I came in so I would douse them wid water… but the damage was done (repeatedly) and eventually the extra water would allow root rot to set in…….. and the poor plant would be struggling, if not soon dead.

I ain’t gine say how many plants met their death at my hands, but suffice it to say, Nature Care get a lot outta me and my “planticidal” tendencies. 

So armed with tips from my friend, Jaxx, and a lady at Nature Care, and with renewed confidence and excitement, I got a few plants and set them up outside.

AND THEY GREW!!!! 

So I embarked on a mission to set up a garden, growing various herbs and veggies in pots.

Fast forward to present day and lo and behold my thumb green as ever and I fussy enuf and feel I iz a farmer. 

How ya like muh?

Now I can understand and experience the satisfaction of gardening….watching seedlings grow and mature and reaping a harvest from your own garden. Insert the big beaming smile emoji here. And throw in the little guy doing cartwheels or backflips too.

Did I say I am fussy?

That’s a gross understatement.

And there’s more to report on re my green thumb… but I will leave that for my next blog post.

Till then….hope you less than green-thumbed readers feel inspired to start your own garden.

Laterz!!

2 thoughts on “G is for Green Thumb

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